Okay this is ridiculous I have started over 5 different postings and put none on so this partial one i will post just so I can convince myself let alone others that I am alive!
"Be still and know that I am God"
It's a line that I haven't been able to get out of my mind all day. Which is kind of interesting as the pressure of 4 services (one very complex), an over worked team, and the end of year madness, creeps in around me, I find that I am humming or singing this with an edge of ever increasing mania. At least it is not a song like Copacabana by Barry Manilow I suppose.
Such meandering on a 35 degree day leads me to two thoughts.
The least relevant of the two takes me to a job I had once working night shift in a factory so I could study in the day.
In our lowest moments of mind numbing monotony we would forgo the humane and try to infect those around us with the worst catchy song possible. Yes we were very bored, and had already dispensed with any deep theological or political discussion some time back.
Not only in our lack of humanity were we happy to infect our co-workers, the real challenge was then to see how long it took to spread down the factory line. In the more surreal moments you could look up and see a production line of people all humming "I will survive" and moving in time.
So here I am sleep deprived aware somewhere that everything has taken on a vaguely manic tome with these words going round and round in my head, each line repeated three times:
"Be still and know that I am God,
I am the God that healeth thee,
In thee O God I put my trust".
At such times I can not see this as coincidence, instead I see it as one of those times when God finds what ever way possible to break through, to call me into consciousness of self and the divine. I think of it as being called or invited into relationship.
When I stop long enough to ponder this I am aware that this has happened before in similar ways. Each time I tell myself I will not let such stress in and around me, that allows that pool of absence to grow within. Yet here I find myself again, humming unconsciously the words God wishes me to heed, time to be still it will all be okay.